My life changed the day i decided to skip a couple meals. It was in May 2011. It lasted from May until October, in October i realized i needed to eat like how am I going to live without eating? I was only 14 when this started and after i started eating again i gained a lot of weight back but i didn’t notice until the end of February in 2012. I got on the scale and i weighed 135.. i was so upset. Last year i weighed 119, I didn’t understand why all of the sudden i was gaining all of this weight back. So one day i went on tumblr and found blogs that posted about eating disorders, depression and cutting. I don’t know why but for some reason i liked scrolling through these blogs for hours and reblogging the pictures, then i realized i felt the same way. This went on until April.. I was learning how to eat maybe just a saltine cracker a day and to me empty felt good, for me empty was strong. Then it got to the point where i hated myself so much i started to cut my left wrist. At first the cuts weren’t even cuts they were scratches. Then one day i just wanted to bleed soo bad so i cut really really deep and i got what i wanted i also carved FAT into my wrist. Then the next day i cut deep again. I wore long sleeves all the time, then one day my mom saw my cuts and she didn’t know they were this bad. 30 minutes after her seeing my cuts i was in a hospital waiting very angrily and saddened at my life to be admitted into a teen unit for other teens who cut themselves. The first 3 or 4 days i was there i didn’t eat anything all I had was water. Then one of the other teen girls talked to me and she said she had anorexia too and she knows exactly what i’m going through and that she is here if i need anyone to talk to. So i felt ok because i had connected with someone. She encouraged me to eat it was the hardest thing i ever had to do it took me 2 hours just to eat 3 cheese crackers. I saw the doctor a couple days after that and he said technically i don’t have an eating disorder because i’m not underweight. That pissed me off i told him i can be any weight and have an eating disorder. Now that i’m recovering from everything that has happened for the past year and a half i feel healthy and ok. But it is now my mission to get the eating disorder standards changed to say you don’t have to be underweight to have an eating disorder. You just have to have the symptoms of an eating disorder. I thank God i’m still here because I could have died at any moment. I’m here for a reason and so are you. Please don’t give up. If you ever need anything i’m here just message me. <3 if you read this far thank you so much it means a lot! :)